LIAR LIAR

Paramedics in Kennett, Missouri, rescued a man who had managed to get his penis stuck in the plug hole of his washbasin. It appears he had been trying to change a light bulb above the sink, when he slipped and fell, lodging his member in the plug-hole. The blow left his penis so bruised and swollen, that he was unable to extract it. A neighbour eventually heard his screams and called the police, who smashed down his bathroom door despite the man's protestations that he did not want to be rescued.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

FINGER LICKIN' FRIKKIN' CHICKEN

Six people died in Southern Egypt in 1997 whilst attempting to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a 60ft well. An 18 year old farmer was first to go in after the chicken, but drowned in the strong undercurrents. His sister and two brothers, neither of whom could swim, went in one after the other to help him but also drowned. Finally two elderly farmers went to help out but met with a similar fate. After the six bodies were pulled from the well - the chicken flew out unharmed. The owner, overjoyed at seeing his chicken alive, promptly wrang it's neck and cooked it for dinner.

"ANYONE FOR TENNIS?"

Whilst Anne Boleyn was being beheaded, Henry VIII went off to play tennis. It is reported that Annes last words before the axe fell were, "If he thinks I'm bothered he can go fuck himself."

HAPLESS HARRY

Escapologist Harry Houdini bragged that his stomach could withstand any blow. One day a fan landed him a punch in the gut without warning. Harry collapsed in agony, having suffered an internal rupture and died shortly afterwards. Punch teamed up with Judy and together they toured many a tacky seaside resort with the Policeman and the Crocodile. They had one baby called Baby. They spent the rest of their days battering the crap out of each other until the British Government ruled their show to be too 'violent'.

THRONE ROOM TRAGEDY

Straining to move his stubborn bowels, George II fell off the toilet and smashed his head on a cabinet. He died from his injuries. His son succeeded him in 1760. It is not documented as to whether he suffered from constipation or whether his succession to the throne was trouble-free.

RING RING YOU'RE DEAD

Ken Barger aged 47 shot himself dead in 1992 when he accidentally answered his .38 Smith and Wesson special instead of the phone. His wife, traumatised, attempted to shoot herself with the phone but realising her attempts were futile, used it to call 911 instead.

CASANOVA THE CAD

Casanova found it hard to keep track of his many lovers. He asked for the hand of a pretty girl called Leonilda, but her mother screamed and fainted when she was introduced to the gigalo. She turned out to be one of Casanova's conquests who had borne his child 17 years earlier. Casanova had been about to marry his own daughter. Incesting...