BOWELS OF STEEL

The King of Southern England, Edmund Ironside, was murdered in 1016 whilst sitting on the toilet. He sat down on the wooden box, blissfully aware that an enemy knight, Eric Streona, was lurking in the pit below. Streone thrust his sword with such force up the royal back passage that it became firmly embedded in his bowels.

The King, thinking the agony was a result of constipation, strained so hard that he burst a blood vessel in his brain, and died as a result. The sword shot out of his bowel, hitting the hapless Eric on the head, knocking him senseless. He spent the rest of his life having conversations with inanimate objects and displaying a morbid fear of toilets...

PRESIDENTIAL PENIS

Felix Faure, President of France died in 1899 whilst having sex in a Paris brothel. His sudden death sent the woman into shock. His penis had to be surgically removed from her vagina.

His wife requested that the penis be buried in unconsecrated ground with a stake through the foreskin to prevent her errant husband from ghostly philanderings.

PO-ETIC JUSTICE

Michael Anderson Godwin spent years awaiting the electric chair in South Carolina. He finally had his sentence for murder commuted to life imprisonment. In March 1989, whilst sitting on the metal toilet in his cell, he attempted to fix his portable TV set. He bit into a wire and electrocuted himself.
Who said God doesn't work in mysterious ways?

Shocking!

LAUGHTER - THE BEST MEDICINE

Caroline, wife of George II was dying. As doctors operated on the near dead woman, she suddenly burst out laughing. One of the doctors had leaned too close to a candle and had set his wig on fire. She died moments later. It is not reported as to whether the doctor suffered any injury, but his wig sported a very fine comb-over as a result of it's ordeal...

I TOLD YOU I WAS ILL...

The French playwrigt Moliere died on stage whilst playing a hypochondriac in his own play Le Malade Imaginaire - The Hypochondriac.

He had been feeling quite unwell that day but his complaints fell on deaf ears as his fellow actors believed he was rehearsing for the play. It is reported that his last words were, "I told you I was ill you bunch of rotten bastards."

SNAKES ON A PLANE

A 30 year old Columbian male was caught trying to sneak through airport customs in Paris with a boa constrictor hidden in his pants.
Airport officials issued an apology to a well built man later on the same day after discovering that he did not have a boa constrictor hidden in his pants.

ANAL RETENTION

Antonia Mendoza, a Los Angeles attorney, spent over three hours in hospital having his mobile phone removed from his rectum. During the operation, it rang three times. After recovering from his ordeal in the Trauma Centre, Mendoza explained: "The dog carries my phone all over the house. He must have taken it into the shower and I slipped on a tile, fell against the dog and sat right down on the on the damn thing..."

Doctors also removed one electric toothbrush, one cappuccino frother, two root vegetables, and a vibrating chinese stress-ball from the same orifice. Mendoza had no explanation as to how these items came to be lodged inside his anus, and refused to discuss the matter further.